An important list.

So a good friend has announced that she is expecting her second child.

I have been trying to get pregnant since:

• She met the guy she is now married to
• She married the guy
• She discussed with me the merits of private health insurance for having a baby and then took out said insurance
• Waited out the year-long 'waiting time' for private health insurance before starting to try
• Trying for three months before getting pregnant
• Having a miscarriage
• Wanting to comisserate with me about how hard 'our lot is' with respect to not being able to have a baby
• Getting pregnant and then having a baby
• Looking after baby for 15 months
• Discussing with me that she is coming off the pill
• Announcing today that she is 10 weeks pregnant with second baby
  

Now I sit in bed at 2pm, swollen face, tracksuit pants, snot on my jumper, a half eaten block of chocolate on the floor and a glass of neat vodka.

I have decided to write an honest list of the things that make my life worth living, in the hope that it will make me feel better:

1. My cat, who does a running jump from the yard onto my front fence to greet me when she hears my car come down the street
2. Spooning with my husband every night, although admittedly not at the moment as I have not forgiven him for his antics during an argument last weekend.
3. Expensive red wine in Riedel glasses
4. I would like to say my friends but that's not true at the moment as I can't bear to be around their pregnant bellies or their children, or hear any more pregnancy announcements
5. I would like to say family, but really, don't get me started on my brother (see earlier posts. He is called Narcissus), I hate how my mother looks at my tummy every time I see her to see if it is growing, and, bloody hell, even my grandmother said to me recently that she is thankful that my cousin has six children because it 'makes up for me'
6. Bubble wrap
7. The smell of the ocean
8. Cooking something really good
9. Making someone smile
10. Waking up on a Sunday morning and knowing the day is yours
11. Crispy flatbreat proscuitto, cheese and mushroom toasties from Cibo
12. Dazzling sunsets in the outback
13. Getting up early and making tea in a billy while camping
14. Laughing (not doing much of that lately but I remember it being nice)
15. Freshly washed sheets
16. The movie Dan In Real Life
17. The book The Bronze Horseman
18. Blueberries
19. Hope