Sunday, November 30, 2008

Pen-on-paper, stamp'n'send forgiveness

My sister-in-law is here at the moment.

The SIL who, selfishly, son-of-a-bitch-ishly, is pregnant again.

Same SIL whom I have not looked in the eye since I found out. I have been rude, bitchy and generally given her the cold shoulder.

It is not me to behave like that and it has been tearing me apart.

Anyway, she is here as my husband (an architect) is designing her a new house for her growing family. She looks green with morning sickness and visibly gagged when I put down a coffee for my husband near her. I nearly asked her if she wanted a plate of sardines but I restrained myself.

When she looks at me she looks wounded, as though she expects me to say something short and gruff. And I know she dares not complain about her morning sickness or fatigue to me.

How has this happened? I am a doctor! I am supposed to have (and thought I had) a calling to help, nurture and heal. To protect and support. And yet, not only am I not empathising and caring for a member of my own family who needs my help, I have been outright mean to her.

So I have decided to write her a letter, a proper pen-on-paper, stamp'n'send deal to apologise and explain.

I hope she will forgive me.